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Enneagram Style Speak: Style 4 The Individualist


The way we communicate is a great indicator as to what Enneagram style we fall into. When vocalize our needs we tend to speak at a certain pace, inflect a certain emotion, choose gestures to match our communication, and have a certain tone and pitch to our voices–all in a way that generally fits into our type within the Enneagram.

Last week we talked about the Style 5 and how they communicate in an understated way, communicate about information and their insights, and are looking for someone on the receiving end to give them space. You can read more about that here.

Today in this video we explore the communication style of the Enneagram 4, The Individualist. How: 1).The 4 communicates at work and home; 2). How to speak the language of a 4 at work and home; and 3). What 4 needs the most from us.  Watch the video for a detailed account of the communication style of the 4.

How the 4 Communicates

The way a Style 4 communicates is expressive and self referencing. They value the highs and lows of the human experience are happiest exploring these with others in communication. You may notice that they use exaggerated word — they may say today was the worst day of their life, not just a bad day. 4’s live in their emotions and emotional reactions and their communication style generally centers on them sharing those emotions and reactions with you.

How to Speak The Language of a 4

To speak the 4’s language, share your thoughts and feelings. Go into at least the same level of detail that they share with you. Whatever the pain is in your life, be open about sharing that. If you are an optimistic type that doesn’t like to think about such things, even talking about bad traffic or a bad night’s sleep can qualify and be a connection point. Join them in valuing the emotional experience as an important part of life.

What a 4 Needs Most From You

For a 4 to thrive they need to feel understood and connected. Ask follow up questions to explore their point of view. Make them feel as if you are interested in what they think and feel and why they think and feel those things. Share your own experiences, thoughts and feelings and you will most likely walk away with a close connection.

Those of you out there that are style 4s or have to communicate with them frequently, any tips you would like to share?


Related Articles:

Conflict Explosion! The Reactive Triad

1 Rule For Enneagram 4s

How To Be Close To Enneagram 4s

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